Oh the life of decadence that is mine

I had my very first graduate school exam this morning at 8 am, and I’m a week ahead in Hebrew preparation (through no virtue of my own), so basically it’s smooth sailing from here to fall break! To celebrate, I’m currently doing the following decadent things:
1) Eating fresh made chocolate chip cookies for supper with whole milk
2) Watching “Gossip Girl” online for the first time EVER
3) Kind of falling in love with said show, and trying not to be freaked out by the fact that I’m lusting after characters WAY below the statutory-rape bar
4) Seriously considering a beer, if I don’t throw up from too many cookies
5) Not posting about interesting topics that have to do with the stated theme of the blog, namely the process of thoughtful questioning that leads to intellectual, spiritual, and personal growth, but instead talking about the silly things I do with my day.

To salvage this pathetic state of affairs, I am going to pretend for a moment that I am a qualified expert on writing, instead of a wannabe who can’t actually finish anything, and comment on the writer dude’s advice to Dan on “Gossip Girl,” which was mostly really really bad. You definitely don’t have to pull a Hunter S. Thompson (or, for that matter, a Samuel T. Coleridge) and expose yourself to dangerous toxic substances in order to be a good writer. The writer dude was right about one thing, though, I think: you do have to be willing to be kind of an asshole.

Words of Wisdom

I answered some questions for the school newspaper, since I (among others) am leaving next year for other ventures. They wanted to know if I had any words of wisdom. I thought about it, and here’s what I’ve got:

1) Never use the verb “is” in your writing.
2) Don’t fear ambiguity. Relish it.
3) When in doubt, the main character symbolizes Christ.

On the other hand;

Yes, I know the semicolon is incorrectly used. Sometimes, I feel, a semicolon is just a classy and ambiguous version of an emoticon. Also sometimes I like to pretend that if I know the rules it’s cool when I break them. Makes me feel all dangerous like Virginia Woolf.

Here’s the thing: I have been moping all evening. I’m not going to go into my reasons here–they’re not bad, but the point is, they’re not good enough. I have no excuse for moping. I have a comfortable, one might even say indulgent, lifestyle; I have dear friends and a boyfriend who defies adjectives and an offer from a great grad school. My spiritual life makes me mostly joyful and occasionally uncomfortable; I ran my first 10k last weekend; I am getting my teeth fixed; I am going to be just fine. So stop whining, Mary.

April is Poetry Month. Maybe if I’m feeling especially risk-taking I’ll share some poetry.

From Gaudy Night.

“…In the meanwhile she had got her mood on to paper–and this is the release all writers, even the feeblest, seek for as men seek for love; and, having found it, they doze off happily into dreams and trouble their hearts no further.”

-Gaudy Night, by Dorothy L. Sayers

Update: NaNoWriMo

I’m doing it.

(Yay!)

NaNoWriMo

National Novel Writing Month is in November. Should I sign myself up?

Pros: I’ve got a topic (though not a full-fledged plot) that’s still just as interesting to me as it was when I started kicking it around a year ago.  I’ve always (always!) wanted to write a novel. I’m getting a handle on my daily schedule, and the Poetry Out Loud contest that I’m sponsoring has been pushed back to January to work better with teachers’ schedules. I find myself spending free periods goofing off online again–I could just as easily be writing. I’ll have Thanksgiving Break (briefly!). I could always not sign up with the website and cut my personal writing goal in half–25,000 words rather than 50,000 words. My doing it might encourage the students to do it with me, which would be great press for the school, etc. And as they say–if not now, when?

Cons: Seriously, what am I thinking? Why do I think it’s a good idea to add another immensely time-consuming thing to an already-consumed schedule? I have no time! I also have no real plot.

Decisions, decisions.

Fluency

I’ve been spending a good deal of time recently talking with my students about fluency. Write often, I tell them, and eventually you will learn to write well. To the students whose prose is sparse or clotted on the page, I say, think about keeping a journal. Get the words out. Learn to express your ideas and emotions with clarity and precision and, above all, fluency. Clear the clutter and fog from your mind and from your sentences.

I am working on this myself. I am always working on this. The trouble these days comes from finding the time: somewhere in between the class prep and the grading and the teaching and the resting so that I can continue doing this lovely, satisfying, immensely challenging work, I lose the time to write. And so when I do write (which is not often), I lack fluency. I lack precision. The fog rolls over my brain.

Reading helps. I am rereading Laurie R. King, and though her prose seems more mannered than it did when I was fourteen, it retains the occasional blinding clarity of phrasing that I admire so much. I am two-thirds of the way through Neil Gaiman’s Fragile Things, and am finding his writing as subtle and expressive as I’ve ever read. Most of the time. One of the things I like about Gaiman’s work is that his best pieces–which are so damn good–are balanced with stories and novels that, frankly, aren’t so good.

Fluency.

I don’t know when I will have time to write again. I almost don’t care–as I said, this is immensely satisfying work. But I want, somehow, to be able to set aside that time, to uncramp my intellect and stretch it and let it send out loose and fluent tendrils out into the night air.