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I don’t have anything specific I want to write about, so I’m just going to start typing and see where I get. I can’t promise not to edit, though.
1) I got home this evening to find that Clementine, whom I had left in the kitchen instead of in her crate because I felt sorry for her (oh, the irony), had escaped the baby gate, gotten into my bedroom, and TORN THE PLACE APART. I seriously cannot see my floor for all of the clothes, yarn, scraps of toilet paper, fabric, bobbins, socks, beads…wow, I have too many crafting materials.
2) Two things encouraged me not to kill her: she didn’t actually destroy anything–she’s not a shredder, she just likes to carry my clothes around for a while–and she didn’t pee anywhere. Hooray for that.
3) I am coming to realize that I know Hebrew significantly less well than is acceptable. I am discovering this when it comes to using the Biblical Hebrew to build other languages/dialects (Aramaic, Rabbinic Hebrew, and Modern Hebrew are what I’m working on now) and I FAIL because I don’t actually understand the rules for vowel shifts or have the paradigms for anything other than the very basic verb forms memorized. You’d think if I could recognize forms I could reproduce them, but oh you would be wrong.
4) This means that I am going to have to spend the summer going back over the introductory grammar and learn it for reals this time. I swear I am going to do this.
4a) A troubling thought: I am becoming so used to the warm fuzzy feeling of being surrounded by people who care about the same fiddly things that I do, such as the relative merits of the Lambdin and Seow grammars for embarking on said reconstructive project, that I am in danger of becoming really super boring to the 99.9% of people who are not specializing in this field because they have better things to do with their time. I shall try to avoid this. I cannot promise anything about the contents of the blog, though. Consider yourselves warned.
5) I am making a quilt! With the wonderful sewing machine I got for Christmas! It is going to be fabulous!
6) My most recent project on the sewing machine was a stuffed bird ornament from a book on quilting that I bought because I wanted to make everything in it (Last Minute Patchwork and Quilted Gifts, in case you’re wondering). It looks…handmade. In the bad way.
7) Most of the time this semester I have been feeling terrific–cheerful, happy to be here, busy but not TOO busy, challenged but not stupid, feeling like I’m in exactly the right place, basically.
8 ) Today is not one of those days. I feel slow and stupid and man, is there a lot of stuff out there to learn. So much so that four years (8 semesters, 30 classes, not counting summer languages) of graduate school (assuming I get into Notre Dame for the Ph.D) feels like too short of a time to learn anywhere close to enough to actually TEACH this stuff or contribute to this field. And the assumption is not a safe one to make by any means. My goodness are there a lot of people who want fellowships. And knowing that, and knowing that my professors will judge whether they want to let me in here for the Ph.D based on whether they like what I’ve done in the MTS, is kind of freaking me out. Not most days…just the days where I feel slow and stupid and wonder why I want to work with languages when I can’t remember vocabulary words for longer than 30 seconds at a time.
9) I will stop feeling sorry for myself now. I swear.
10) Annnnnd, to end on an entirely unimportant note, Mary Frances, I stole your nail polish color and I am NOT GIVING IT BACK.
Okay, off to read about virtue ethics. Good times!
So, for the past couple of months I have been worrying about my hair turning grey. This is because, at age 23, I am indeed going grey. I always figured I had my mother’s hair–she’s only started to turn grey in the past few years–but it appears that I’m going to follow my dad on this one.
It’s not too noticeable as yet–just a few grey hairs mixed in with the brown–but what started as one grey hair six months ago is now probably a dozen. Small changes, but I know what’s happening.
I’ve decided not to dye it. I decided this back when I thought I had another twenty years of brunettedom, but I think I’m going to stick with that decision. I don’t like the fact that it’s basically expected of women to dye their hair well into their 60s or even 70s. I don’t like that it’s impossible to tell anyone’s age anymore. I don’t like the near-deification of youth in our culture, and I don’t want to buy into it. (Also, there’s no way I could remember/afford to have it touched up often enough not to get those skunk stripes. And those are no good.) And yet…I don’t WANT to go grey! I LIKE my brown curly hair! Even when I whine about it, I still am quite fond of it! I don’t want to lose it yet! And I don’t want people thinking that I am old in my 20s! My vanity and my better self have been duking it out, and it’s unclear which will win.
Today I was fixing my hair before going to class, and I pulled out a hair that had fallen out and gotten caught in the curls. It was brown and curly on the bottom half, and silver and straight on the half closest to the scalp. Welcome to my future, I guess?
The middle school chaplain, who gave our chapel talk today, discussed balance. She advised the students to figure out what was important and focus on that, and to leave the unessential strewn by the wayside. Now, when I listen to sermons (of whatever kind), I generally find myself conducting a discussion with the speaker in my head, and today was no exception.
Yes, I think we can all agree that Britney Spears’ underwear is an instance of the “unessential” things which deserve to be left behind. On the other hand, I find it considerably more difficult to discern what is unessential in my life than one might think would be the case.
Which is most essential: a bed to sleep in; clothes to wear to work; a paid-off credit card; tea from Starbucks in the morning?
Which is most essential: quality time with my parents and siblings; quality time with my boyfriend; quality time with my friends; quality time with my students?
Which is most essential: sufficient sleep; sufficient preparation for class; sufficient time spent alone; sufficient time spent with others?
I don’t mean to whine. I have more control over my life than I ever have before, so in some sense I have it easier than most of my students probably do. But how do I go about making those choices? How do I choose between what is necessary and what is necessary? How do I build enough of the “unnecessary” things–tea, knitting, reading, relaxation–into my life that I don’t feel as though I’m constantly living on the hard and bitter edge of necessity? And if I can’t seem to figure these things out, how will my students?
