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It’s funny–some days I feel as though I’m really getting the hang of this job, and other days I realize just how much of a noob I still am. And the days aren’t predictable. Something like, say, explaining what a “motif” is and getting the students to become aware of the recurrence of language having to do with blood, masculinity, owls, darkness, vision, Christ-figures, and what have you, in Macbeth? I turned out to be a pro at that. Something as seemingly simple as showing a movie version of Macbeth on the last two days of class before Christmas Break? Completely threw me for a loop. First I check out all of the VHS versions in the school library (4, in case you were wondering), then I realize I don’t have a VHS player and that none of those versions are very watchable anyway. I borrow an extra one from the school, take it home, and completely fail to put it up successfully. I decide to shelve that dilemma, rent a movie from the Fan Video, settle down to watch it, and realize that it completely sucks. So then I spend two to three hours driving around Chesterfield (I get lost) in complete desperation in search of a DVD version that another teacher recommended. I rent what I think is it, then realize within five minutes of playing it that it’s laughably bad. Finally I suck it up and watch the Roman Polanski one (which is actually fairly good, if dated) and just tell the students to close their eyes for the violent parts. Oh, and I’m leaving out the part where I had to beg the librarian (who is very sweet, luckily) for help finding a stand with a TV and VCR, then lug it around to all of my classrooms.

Go me.

From Rainer Maria Rilke’s “Letters to a Young Poet”

You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can...to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.