Rapids Ahead

It’s really going to happen, apparently. Sooner than I think, I will be packing all my books into boxes, renting a U-Haul, loading up all of my stuff AGAIN, and driving it to my new, as-yet-unfound apartment. (That’s not even counting the likely move to Williamsburg for the summer.) Only this time, unlike the moves I’ve made every year since I was 14, I will not be trundling up and down the I-95 corridor, but to someplace far stranger and more frightening–South Bend, Indiana. Google Maps tells me that it is 800 miles away, about a 12-hour drive. At current gas prices, that’s about $280 one-way. A round-trip airfare is less than half that. That’s right. I’m moving where it’s officially cheaper to fly to than to drive.

I have–not rituals exactly, but customs–for moving. My books are the first thing I pack and the first thing I unpack. Probably this is just because books are an easy place to start, but I like to think that it’s because home is where my bookshelves are. And certainly I feel more secure, connected, belonging in a place where my books are all out on the shelves. And as soon as I have taken all of my books down and put them away in boxes, I find myself caring less about the space. It is not home any more. There is nothing stopping me from packing the rest.

Also, this time, I’m getting a dog. I’ve wanted a dog or cat (I go back and forth) since I was in college. I wanted one when I moved to Richmond, but ended up renting a place with no pets allowed. This was a good idea this year, since I really haven’t had time for a pet, but it’s gotten past the “that would be really nice” point and to the “I am willing to make major sacrifices and life changes in order to have a dog.” Rent, for instance–I will have to pay a lot more, probably, for a dog. My housing options are limited. I will have to arrange my schedule around spending time with the dog. It will be expensive. Etc., etc. And yet I can’t wait. It’s all I can do to keep myself from smuggling a dog into my apartment right now, much as I tell myself that a cross-country move isn’t exactly the best thing for a new animal.

Big changes ahead. I have the same feeling you get in a canoe as you approach a rapid–you can hear the rapid, but you generally can’t see it, since it’s a downhill drop. All you can see is the smooth calm of the river stretching forward to a foreshortened horizon, and then nothing beyond–only perhaps one or two rocks jutting up, and the occasional flume of spray. All you can do is listen to the roar and try to gauge how big it will be from rapids past (who always sound much quieter by comparison), keep your oar in and dig your paddle deep, agree with your partner on the best-looking V, and go for it.
[Edit: Apparently I need to clarify that rapids are a good thing. Indeed, most of the time they're the high point of the trip.]

Big changes ahead.

Decisions

The decision has been made.

Next year, I’ll be going to the University of Notre Dame. I’ll be working toward an MTS (Masters in Theological Studies) with a concentration in Biblical Studies. From there, I’ll apply to Ph.D programs, hopefully going to Notre Dame again, though there are several other good schools in the area.

Blondie, meanwhile, will probably be at the University of Illinois, which is about a 3 to 4 hours’ drive away.

Potentially unfortunate things about this: 1) It’s an MTS program, which means that they can’t offer me a fellowship, so while they’re giving me full tuition, I have to take out loans and probably get a job to pay for my living expenses. 2) We’ll be paying for 2 apartments and doing a buttload of driving. 3) ND is definitely a school of theology rather than religious studies, so it might possibly be somewhat oppressively Catholic, and I might reasonably expect to encounter people who have a distaste for healthy skepticism. 4) I will have this as a school logo.

Potentially wonderful things about this: 1) It’s a really, really good school in terms of size and track record of faculty. The Biblical Studies concentration alone has 14 professors, about 3-4 times the size of most of the other programs I was looking at, and most of the faculty members seem to be at the top of their fields. 2) U of Illinois is also a top-notch program, with lots of different kinds of electron microscopes and other cool machines that make Blondie happy. 3) South Bend is super cheap–apartments are around half the cost of those in Boston. 4) Because of (3), I’ll be able to afford a dog, which is increasingly high on my priority list. 5) Notre Dame’s Ph.D fellowships are quite generous, meaning that I’ll be able to afford my life after 2 years, assuming that I get in. 6) I really like the idea of being in a consciously religious community, even if it’s not necessarily my religion. And I’m almost sure that at Notre Dame I won’t run into many people who think I’m silly or irresponsible or biased to try to study in an academic light the beginnings of a religion that I also count myself a practitioner of.

So all in all, a good deal. And now I find myself with 10 weeks to go at St. Catherine’s, feeling anxious to go one minute and anxious to eke out every minute with my students (whom I dearly love and thoroughly enjoy) the next. It helps that we’re doing Romantic poetry, which they really really get, right now; the last three days have been a breeze of sunshine and daffodils.